#2 - Bring Back Survival Horror
OK. Before you start firing off with the angry comments filled with words like “fucking” “epic” and “fail” hear me out. There are a ton of action games on the horizon – and for Resident Evil, the trappings of the action genre started to wear a bit thin with Resident Evil 5. I'm not saying that another action-oriented Resident Evil won't work. I'm just saying that an entry with a ratio of explosions to actual zombies higher than the ratio of men to women at a public orgy is doing a disservice to the game's roots.
There was a time when Resident Evil was synonymous with not only getting the crap scared out of you, but also feeling wound up tighter than a hipster after learning that The Arcade Fire just won the Grammy for best album. That's because using your items wastefully could often spell a horribly gruesome death. Every time you were hurt, you'd agonize over whether or not to use a green herb. You'd ration items like a settler on the Oregon trail – only the danger here is being disemboweled by a zombie, rather than being disemboweled by crapping your own guts out from dysentery.
Absolutely dreading what was down that dark hallway was not uncommon while playing Resident Evil. Not only because, chances are it's some grotesque zombie dog, but because you'd have to use up your sweet, precious ammunition to take it down.
Whenever you'd squeeze off a bullet, you felt a year coming off your life expectancy. Didn't really get that with RE 4 and 5.
Let me make one thing clear: it's not that RE 4 and 5 were bad games. They were actually quite good. It's that the market is so over saturated with pulse pounding zombie shooters, that things actually aren't very exciting anymore. We've all be there, done that – got the unlockable outfits and the minigames. Something is needed to cleanse the palette, and that something should be the game that practically started it all. If Resident Evil were ever to return to form, now is the time.
#1 – Don't Forget the Zombies this time!
I enjoy killing hapless villagers just as much as the next guy. It's my passion, my calling, and my expertise. What can I say? Some of us are just lucky enough to find our purpose in life (this writing thing is just my safety net). But lately I've felt unenthusiastic about killing those lowly commoners - whom are ostensibly astral projecting from a plane of existence filled with molasses. Think about it: it explains why they move so slow. It also explains why they don't chop you to bits despite their dirty habit of leaving no room for the Holy Ghost. Oh, hey! Maybe it's actually a realm of shit? That would explain why they keep saying “mierda” for no apparent reason.
Even still, possibly it's because Resident Evil is actually a game about zombies? At least when you were close enough to slap a zombie, it made sense why they'd be to slow to react. Because, you know, that's what zombies do. They're slow. Sorry, all those newfangled fast zombies don't count!*
Villagers on the other hand? They just don't strike me as particularly slow, unless we're talking about a village in the Appalachians or something. Maybe when drawing up Resident Evil 4 and 5 Capcom asked themselves “What's the best way to give this game a veneer of racism? Ah ha! We've got it!” thus, the “monsters” of RE 4 and 5 were born.
Look guys, I feel uncomfortable enough playing games with all the half-naked subservient women that need to be rescued. There's no need to make things more confusing for me. I can't be troubled with self-examination at my age!
In short, do the socially responsible thing and bring back them zombies, Capcom!
*If you're a fast zombie, I apologize for marginalizing you. I just feel that you're a second-class citizen. You'll get your shot at civil rights, but order before justice and all that.
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