Disclaimer (Added May 31, 2015): The author of this piece provided the voice-overs for Super Hexagon.
So…! You've already beaten Super Hexagon (available now on iOS). Good for you! But in this modern age of achievements and leaderboards, perhaps your victory felt hollow, like something was missing.
The challenge isn't over, my friends! After several weeks' research I have devised five terrific ways to augment your Super Hexagon experience. Let's make a too-easy game just a little bit harder!
5. Play on the subway
Is your butt rattling? Is a strange old man giving you the side-eye? Is there a really upsetting smell? You must be on public transit! Your first challenge has already begun.
If you're really hardcore, you won't put your elbows on your knees in an effort to steady your already-trembling hands. How long can you last?
Variation: Next time try Super Hexagon on an airplane! Extra points for turbulence!
4. Scratch yourself
It never fails: just as you drop off into the "zone," something itches. For me it's usually the bridge of my nose, but for you it's probably your scalp or something even more embarrassing. It's very distracting, isn't it.
So here's a fun game: scratch your itch. See how many itches you can scratch during a single game of Super Hexagon! It's like a really itchy game of chicken.
Variation: Pick your nose? (Aaahhh, much better.)
3. Let a friend narrate the game for you
In Super Hexagon some obnoxious Robot Woman tells you how you're doing once every ten seconds, and her constant status updates imbue the game with a sort of startled panic.
Ramp your distress up a notch by muting the game and letting a friend position himself just over your right shoulder. "Line!" he will shout in his best impression of Robot Lady, causing you to almost drop your smartphone. "Game over!" he will hoot.
Variation: Violently attack your friend without ever taking your thumbs off the touchscreen.
2. Include your cat
"Hey, what's going on over here?" Muffins is wondering. Muffins purrs, jostling your elbow slightly. Muffins hops lightly into your lap, kneading your thigh with his loving little claws. Oh, Muffins. Muffins, no. Get out of here, Muffins. Muffins, please—this is important.
Oh, hell. Fine. Muffins, you can stay.
Variation: Have kids.
1. Get a phone call
Here's a splendid obstacle all-too-familiar to iOS gamers—I myself once lost an entire SimCity civilization thanks to an ill-timed phone call from a doctor's office. Taking a phone call is the King of all Challenges: as soon as Stacey hangs up, will you be ready to resume the game exactly where you left off?
Variation: You've probably never remembered to turn off "notifications" in iOS. That's great! During a long session of Super Hexagon, you might get a text message, a reply on Twitter, and fifteen new Groupons. Each notification will gently unfurl itself at the top of the touchscreen, potentially distracting you into crashing. "Game over" indeed!
