A Tale Of Miracles: The Internet's Search For A Mario Porno

Let me tell you a Christmas story, boys and girls. A story about giving, a story about generosity, a story about miracles - a story about finding one of the last copies of a Mario Brothers porno in existence.

by on 26th Dec, 2011

Let me tell you a Christmas story, boys and girls. A story about giving, a story about generosity, a story about miracles - a story about finding one of the last copies of a Mario Brothers porno in existence.

You’ve all probably seen the Super Hornio Brothers promotional images floating about on the internet once or twice before. That picture of porn legend Ron Jeremy donning the overalls and hat, with the white gloves? It wasn’t just for some Halloween photo spread as so many may have expected, nor was it a joke or a photoshop. Super Hornio Brothers was actually a real porno.

Our story starts on the Something Awful forums, where user doorknobjohnny began his search. After scrounging around the internet and having no luck himself, he asked the Something Awful goons to try their luck. This quickly became a world wide search for a porno that just couldn’t seem to be obtained.

When goons want something, they will leave no stone unturned to have it. Emails were sent, calls were made, stores were searched from top to bottom and one goon, on remembering back to his childhood, contacted his parents and asked for their copy. The Mueseum of Pornography was contacted along with Ron Jeremy himself and even the porn studio that produced the thing. Eventually someone claiming to have a copy was located, but they were asking $300 for the VHS copy. Debate quickly erupted amongst the goons, many were willing to contribute to a fund, but others felt the choice would be rushed.

As it turns out, Super Hornio Brothers was incredibly difficult to find, even with hundreds of people searching for it all over the world. This is because when Nintendo caught wind of it, they bought the rights to it and then stopped it from circulating - both of the films, actually. Yes, there was a Super Hornio Brothers 2, which only existed because this porno went for so long that they had to split it in two.

The thread, after dozens of false leads, thousands of members joining the search and exhausting every option, died out. No one had any idea where on earth they could find this porno. This was in 2008.

In 2009, an announcement was made. A mysterious and anonymous benefactor had delivered both doorknobjohnny and forum moderator Zack Parsons a copy of Super Hornio Brothers. There was much rejoicing.

As for the porno itself? Super Hornio Brothers was actually a little bit disappointing... in every way possible. In fact, if you wanted to be completely honest, it was probably slightly terrifying thanks to Buck Adams attempt at using a ‘King Koopa’ voice for the duration of the film, which is something you really have to see and hear to grasp fully. [Video is safe for work.]

Sorry, I mean King Pooper. My bad.

I have seen this film with my own eyes and I can tell you that, while not the best of porn or even a redeeming parody porn, it’s not about watching Luigi nail the Princess on a desk in an office, or witnessing Mario give it to a spider lady for some reason. It’s about believing in miracles.

I hope you had a merry Christmas.

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